Hugs and Handshakes

Most people who know me know that I’m not a “hugger”. It’s not that I don’t know how to hug or that I can’t hug, or that I don’t necessarily want to hug (although this may often be the case) it’s just that I’m not a hug initiator. I rarely make the first move for a hug. They tend to make me feel self-conscious and vulnerable and oftentimes they infringe on my personal space.

But that’s all besides the point, because this is not about me not being a hugger but more about my pet-peeve of people who don’t know HOW to hug correctly. It’s sort of like when you go to shake someone’s hand and their grasp is limp and lifeless. You wonder, “what in the world was that?!” “What kind of character/personality does this person have? Do they have any character/personality at all? Why can’t they give a real handshake? What is this limp and lifeless form I’m holding in my hand and trying to squeeze in a “how do you do” greeting or a “nice to meet you” greeting. Just shake my hand like you mean it!” (Yes, these are all thoughts that go through my head).

And then I started to think about hugs in the same way. Have you ever hugged someone who just loosely puts their arms around you without barely touching you and pats you on the back in a lame sort of ta-ta way? I again find myself wondering, “what in the world was that?” Do I have cooties? Is that the best you can do?” Maybe they have attachment issues or don’t like me too much, but then…why even hug me in the first place?!” It’s weird and I’ve decided that I’m not going to let that happen again. The next time someone hugs me like that I’m going to call them on it. I’m going to SHOW them what a real hug should be and then if they get all weirded out by that I’ll just tell them we can do a nice handshake or a nod instead (not everyone likes a hug, ya know).

I mean, there are different ways you can hug and mean it. For example, the side hug (which I prefer); you can put your arm around someone and squeeze like you mean it (it’s sort of like the “man hug”) and not have to give them the full frontal hug (which I don’t prefer). It can pack the same, “I love you, I’m going to miss you, you mean a lot to me” meaning and not infringe on your personal space too much. The full frontal hug, when done correctly, should be strong (not weak and ta-ta-ish) and it requires that almost all of your upper body touch their upper body. There should be NO patting on the back! This is a sign of weakness and “I’m out of my comfort zone-ness". Yes, the full frontal hug is more intimate and mostly reserved for people who you are VERY comfortable with, but it is a powerful hug when done correctly and with sincerity.

So there you have it. I want my hugs and handshakes to be strong and sincere and I think the way a person does either of these is a testament to their strength of character. So ladies, especially, don’t hug like you aren’t sure of yourself or the other person, and don’t give any limp handshakes. I mean, there are people out there, like me, who tend to pay very close attention to these things! :-)